Pritish wasn’t the type to give in to foolish notions of his parents and grandparents. Yet, they managed to sway his opinion with an outpouring of tears from the women, while the men consoled them.
“Dad, how can you hold onto such outdated beliefs? Granddad is old and might not fully grasp what’s going on, but you?” Pritish stammered. He felt trapped, forced into the nonsensical idea of marrying a cow before he could wed Shivani, the love of his life.
“The horoscope says she can only be his second wife,” Shivani’s mother lamented, prompting Pritish’s mother to dab her eyes.
“Don’t worry. Following the pundit’s advice, we’ll marry Pritish to Gauri, the cow. The next day, we’ll cut the yellow thread from her neck and cancel the wedding. She will be known as his first wife, divorced now.”
The ceremony unfolded with Pritish dressed as the groom and Gauri adorned in a sequined dupatta. “This is revolting,” he grimaced. The pundit declared them husband and wife and insisted that they must spend the night together in a room for the marriage to be annulled the next day.
His protests falling on deaf ears, Pritish readied himself to having the cow tethered in his room.
He squeezed his eyes tight, hoping for sleep when she let out a horrendous noise. “Be quiet!” he snapped, but that only escalated the situation; she mooed loudly enough to summon the entire household to his doorstep.
“What’s going on? Why is Gauri making those strange sounds? What did you do to her?”
Pritish faced a barrage of questions, feeling utterly flabbergasted. Did they think he was going to consummate the marriage? That thought alone sent shivers down his spine.
Once he managed to shoo the relatives away, he heard a trickling sound, only to turn and see Gauri urinating freely. The stench invaded the space, and leaving the room wasn’t an option—his parents had placed Ram Kaka on guard, instructing him to keep Pritish inside.
Desperate, Pritish tied a cloth soaked in his cologne around his face and tried to catch some sleep. Exhaustion eventually took over, but he was jolted awake by an unbearable smell and noise. To his horror, Gauri had messed all over the floor, and the room now reeked of dung.
He glanced at the clock—it was 4 a.m. His mother had decreed that he stay in the room with his ‘wife’ until 6 a.m.
“Does this creature ever sleep?” he grumbled, but Gauri just stared at him intently before releasing another massive pile of dung and a torrent of urine. Then, she mooed so loudly that the entire household came rushing back.
“She’d be much happier in her stable,” suggested one woman. “And she could nibble on some grass,” added another. But protocol dictated that Pritish had to stay by her side until dawn. So, it was unanimously decided that he would sit on a stool in the cow shed while Gauri grazed contentedly on the grass.